Today is not a good day. Just woke up with this feeling of dread, the kind that has a tight grip on your heart and makes you feel like you cant go on ...you know? Have so many problems with my life I dont know where to start to fix it all. Not feeling good AT ALL. Not sick, I just feel useless, unfullfilled and that my life has somehow become so pointless. I dont do anything anymore but work and come home and go to bed. This day sucks ass. I have no ambition to create anything and feel like everything I do and have done is total crap and have felt this way for most of the year. What the hell is happening to me??? Is this what a midlife crises feels like? I kind of thought that maybe writing in this diary would help a little, it doesnt look like anyone has found my little vent page yet. I don't like feeling this way. I'm not used to being the kind of person that acts like a sad sack "oh woe is me. everyone feel sorry for me." very pathetic. I need a corner to crawl into. Not a very funny entry, sorry. Sorry indeed. I hate Quark express , It's such a sucky program. I'm really not like this too much....Oh I like to complain yes. It's only to get a laugh though, never to appear as bleak as I sound today. I may appear to be that way physically but not if you talk to me. Shit this is a lame entry. I dont remember if Im supposed to be writing this to other people or for myself. If its for others this sucks and this rambling I'm doing is making no sense what so ever. Fuck this. Get on your feet and do something you idiot. On the plus side I enlightened everyone last night that a priapism is something that refracts visible light into its distinct color seperations. That made coffee shoot out of brieces nose. That makes 23 coffee shooters that I can chalk up to myself. Way to go gregoh. I love making peeple laugh.