Thats right I grew the corn in my little window box until it got to be about 9 feet tall. Then I had the cat drive a little tiny thresher across and cut down the corn. then I dried it and shucked it and ground it up into cornmeal. Then, I made a paste out of it and formed them into little tortilla shapes and molded them into taco SHELLS. I raised a cow from a calf........actually I just made them out of a box. The tacos....not the cow.

Last night My best friends J and A and I went bowling. Heh? Sounds fun don't it? Well it was fun. I always have fun with them. We only bowled for about an hour and got two and half games in before time ran out. We couldn't figure out at first why A, the wife, was having to reset her game every time she bowled. She's a tiny thing, she would walk aaaaaall the way up to the foul line and toss her ball down the lane. Not walk up as in the full wind up like the pro bowlers do, she would walk up like you walk anywhere else. Stop, look and roll it down. She would knock down a few pins here and there, even got a strike once. But she still had to reset, EVERYTIME. We finally figured out that what was probably happening was that the bowling alley had no idea that someone was actually bowling on the lane. It was probably wondering why the pins just kept falling down. My guess is that she was bowling so softly that the sensor at the back didn't know when an actual bowling ball had entered and would just sit there.

I never had to reset, but I didn't do much better than her. I'm NOT a good bowler. My dad is, but apparently that gene didn't pass down to me.

I'm not particularly ashamed of that.

You see interesting people at bowling alleys, I saw a kid with a mullet, but it was a half mullet. It didn't have the long part in the back, but it was spiked on top.

So.

I guess technically it wasn't ....... a mullet.....per say. Maybe the back part got pulled out by his bigwheel or something. Do kids still ride bigwheels? Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

Then there was the guy bowling in his coat. The kind that the sleeves zipper off. He had the mullet proudly riding on top of his head like a rebel flag.

Then there was the guy and his wife and filthy kid who wore ..... flip flops. To a bowling alley. He had to rent shoes. I'm never going bowling again. At least not till I buy my own bowling shoes. And I'm buying my own bowling shoes right after I make that last payment on the yacht parked in my own personal gulf. Don't get me wrong, bowling is fun and I enjoy it with my friends. I'm just not going to invest any money in the sport. And not ALL the people who bowl are like the ones I described.

Just most of them.

But they fit in there. They're like everyone else there. Everyone is just looking for that place, where everyone else is just like them. The same dorks, the same geeks, the same whatever.

We're all geeks and dorks and misfits in one way or the other. Just looking to fit in.

Somewhere.

To be accepted.

To be liked.

To be the same.

Even people who gather together in cliques, like giant human rice crispies, clinging to each other desperately, trying real hard to be unique and different. They all end up looking alike.

There's nothing wrong with being the same as everyone else. It's a survival tactic that was never bred out of us. I haven't thought about what the reason might be that we feel so strongly that we need to belong to some kind of group. I'm sure the cavemen needed to do it so they wouldn't get eaten alive or starve to death. I guess we do it now so we won't get eaten alive by loneliness.

I like this place, Diaryland. Everyone here is the same. We're the same because we've found that all of us have problems that we have trouble dealing with. They're all different problems.

I cut myself.

I'm depressed.

I'm psychotic.

I'm bi-polar.

I'm a bulimic.

I'm anorexic.

I'm too fat.

I can't deal with my grief.

I hate myself.

I have anger issues.

I have incurable cancer.

I'm on the run.

No one understands me at home.

My parents drink too much.

I'm suicidal.

I was violated.

I was raped.

I'm scared.

I was beaten.

I've been hurt.

I hurt someone.

I'm a freak.

No one likes me.

I hear voices.

I have no money.

My wife/husband died and I can't take it.

I hate god.

I desperately need human contact.

I'm agoraphobic.

I'm lonely......

"Once, there was this girl who, Wouldn't go and change with the girls in the change room.

But when, they finally made her

They saw Birthmarks all over her body.

She couldn't quite explain it

They'd always just been there

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

But both girl and boy were glad 'Cause one kid had it worse than that" *

Actually, I don't think it's as simple as "Wow I'm not as bad off as THAT girl." Everyone seems to have some kind of wound, wether its a small cut or a big gaping hole where their heart used to be.

And, everyone seems to understand to some degree.

"Guess who's living here with the great undead

This paint by numbers life is fucking with my head, once again

Life is good

And I feel great

Cuz mother says I was

A great mistake.

Novocaine for the soul

You'd better give me something to fill the hole

Before I sputter out

Before I sputter out

Before I sputter out

Before I sputter ....... out" **

Most of us seem to be refugees from the island of misfit toys. We're all ok here though........... Just looking for something to numb the pain.

"You're such a beautiful freak

I wish there were more just like you

your not like all of the others

and that is why I love you

beautiful freak, beautiful freak

Some people think you have a problem

but that problem lies only with them

just cause your ..... not like the others

that is why i love you

beautiful freak, beautiful freak

too good for this world

but I hope you will stay

and I'll be here to see that you dont fade away

Your such a beautiful freak

I bet your ...... flying inside

dart down then go for cover

know that I, I love you

beautiful freak, beautiful freak

know that i, i love you

beautiful freak, beautiful freak" ***

We want someone to listen. We want someone else to hear.

And that helps. More than you can ever know.

One day the world will be ready for you, and wonder why they didn't see.

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The management wishes to apologize for the excessive song lyricage. Gerg was having trouble expressing himself and used the bands lyrics. He has been sacked.

*Crash test dummies "MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM"

**EELS "Novacain for the soul"

***EELS "Beautiful freak"