I started out this diary as some do. For the attention. I would have argued this point a few weeks ago as saying it's "MY DIARY AND I'LL PUT WHATEVER I WANT TO IN IT." It is partly just for me, but it's also for your entertainment and my ego. I wanted to see how the kooky things I said went over to a larger audience. Thanks, ego and confidence filling up nicely. But it's also for me to kind of, chart the moods I have. I used to be pretty damn depressed about 6 or 7 years ago until I went to a therapist. Going to a shrink or therapist used to be something you didn't talk about, but now everyone does. My psych teacher put it a good way though.

If people break their arm, they go to a doctor.

If they get the flu they go to the doctor.

But if there's something wrong with their brain, people try to fix it themselves. What's up with that? You can't fix your brain any more than you can fix a blood clot. Go to the doctor. It does help, and things got much better, until recently. It's starting to creep back in slowly. I wanted to kind of mark somewhere on this diary the times when I'm feeling up and when I'm feeling down to see if it's a cyclical thing.

Don't get the wrong impression, I'm not like this in person. I don't go moping around the earth crying about my poor wretched soul to everyone I meet. I'm a pretty upbeat kind of person, if not a little quiet. That's not the depression, thats just my nature.

My outside is the funny part.

My inside is the sad part.

That last entry, quoting Abraham Lincoln, was just a good quote to let myself know how I felt at that moment. I didn't mean it to sound like suicide was pending on the horizon. I had thought of that before, and though the sadness and loneliness feels pretty deep sometimes, there is always the hopeful part of my character there. That there's something or someone awesome right around the corner.

At any rate I already feel the normal me coming back, I will have many things to tell you (gripes) about tomorrow and possibly tonight.

For instance, last night. I watched Alien, the first one, and I was wondering something totally geeky.

I wasn't aware that all you had to do to go into outer space was zip up your coat and put on a space helmet. Ripley just kind backed into that space suit at the end, while keeping a close eye on the alien in the corner. She put one leg into that suit, then the ooooooother and then she just zipped up her Northface parka and put a big ass fishbowl on her head.

Really?

One of those YKK zippers is good enough for the vacuum of space? Well OK!

I suppose thermal underwear and a ziplock baggy would have been just as good.

Hey, one of those tupper wear tubs has a vacuum seal on it. Why not just make a space movie where they just put you in one of those and send you out in that?

It would take a couple of pretty big guys to pop that lid closed though. I know, I've tried to get the SMALL ones closed, they're a bitch sometimes.

See? Funny?

Well I admit it's not a shining example.

It's better than woe is me isn't it?

And another thing, what the hell happened to Harry Dean Stanton?

He used to be the king of obscure movie weirdo's. Where the hell did he go?

Has he been replaced by Steve Buscemi as king of the weirdo character actors?

He was the drunk dad in Pretty in Pink, and a strange repo man. He was in Christine, Escape from New York, Cool hand Luke, Fear an loathing in Las Vegas, and that Twin Peaks movie.

I'm not particular missing him per say. Just, where did he go?

And that Crispen Glover, he's an odd cat too. What's he doing?

I also became the last person on earth, next to a woman in budapest, who had not seen Trainspotting yet.

Awesome movie! If you haven't seen it yet I think I know the area codes for most of Hungary.

One final thing.

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Not.......Mother?