I had a dream last night, I was in some second floor apartment. Everytime I went by the front door, it was gone. Someone kept taking it off the hinges or even bashing it down. I don't know why I never heard anything. I don't remember much else about the dream except that. A few years ago I got real interested in cataloging my dreams and trying to decipher what they meant. If I was to try to figure this one out I may say any number of things. Of course all dream symbols can mean any thing in different contexts, so a door may mean one thing to one person, and totally different to another. There are some things that are common to all people and some that are exclusive to you only. Of course this is all just hypothetical, I'm not sure if dreams really mean anything at all other than a replaying of events of the day or simply just byproducts of a rarebit fiend (Windsor McKay anyone?)

I didn't have any problems with my personal apartment door per say today, so I don't have any clue what this means.

My dreamers dictionary says that a door means "What space am I ready to enter or keep private?" I don't know, I kind of lost interest in the whole thing since I never got to fly around town, or have sex with Michelle Pfeiffer in my dreams. I always ended up having some chaotic shit fit about work, or arguing with the sandwich maker at subway, who happened to be G. Gordon Liddy, about how many fucking jalepenos I got to have on my goddamn BMT.

Stupid Liddy asshole.

But still, dreams may mean something. I don't know. The door could be something important or be a metaphor for something else. I tend to strop my occam's razor and believe that the simplest solution is correct.

So the doors are open, what am I gonna do now?

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I was looking at the entry I had for the sketches I uploaded. Thanks for all the nice comments that you gave, I appreciated it muchly. I've been stuck in a kind of a rut the last few years and not being very confident or creative in things. I've lost my muse. Thanks for falling for that little ploy of blatant " HEY LOOK WHAT I CAN DO! SEE? SEE? I'm starting to feel some creativity come back. Some itch to make something and ....I don't know use it. I haven't lost it. I just don't want to. People always say " Oh you're so talented, why don't you go make money with that?" or " Why don't you do something with this?" Does anyone else get that?

I realize I sound spoiled by saying that they just don't know how I feel and I wish that I WOULD just DO something with it. To someone who would like to be able to draw things other than stick figures they probably think I waste my talent. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side, and no matter what you have, you always want what someone else has. I don't really know how to say what I mean to say about this. I'm not that expressive enough tonight I'm afraid. People think I take it for granted, and maybe I do. I don't mean to sound so pompous about it. I try to be humble, really.

I don't know really. I don't know why my brain thinks nothing is good enough. Maybe this is just me, or maybe it's all artists, and writers as well, that think it's never good enough, it's never finished, it's not what I see in my head. Anything you can say negative about what I draw comes nowhere close to the critical bashing I've already given it. don't get me wrong, I do have some things that I'm really proud to have finished. Those are rare though. So when someone likes what I've done I always tend to take it lightly. I don't take compliments well, I don't know why. I guess I'm just never really sure if they're being polite or if they really are being sincere.

But I have gotten a new lease and the bug is itching to get out again.

I never know where my drawings are going to go once I start. They just take me along for the ride. Usually it's pretty fun. I can never seem to remember that.

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Other things going on, my friend Idiot-Milk and I stumbled across some of Benjamin Franklins early drafts of his popular quotes.

"A penny saved is a hooker earned."

"A hooker in the hand is worth two in the bush."

"A hookers hand is better than in the bush?"

"If at first you don't succeed ... you can still get a hooker."

We think Ben might have been a pimp first.

See? See what I talk about in my free time?

Hey don't look at me ... Franklin's the guy who couldn't keep it in his pants. I'm just reporting the facts.

And one more thing, is it just me or when ya'll make a mistake on here, like waaaaay back there on the word "ya'll". If I put an " mark there instead of the ' I would hit the backspace button all the way up HERE, and delete the other words to get to that little " thing so I could change it. Instead of just highlighting the thing and changing it. Does anyone else do that? I'm the only moron who does that? Well shit.