On the way to California...
I wrote this before I even left the airport in Dallas.

May 21st

7:45 PM

Still in DFW.

I don't know what it is I find so interesting about airports and the people in them. Damn this is a non food flight which means we either get no meal or we don't have to fly with cattle. Good. When I bought my tickets on line I got them so cheap I halfway assumed that I might be flying with chickens and goats in a crop duster. .....This guy next to me on the phone looks like Conan's old side kick Andy Rickter. He's talking to someone on his cell.

"DA DA!" DA DA!"

......Must be talking to his dad.

I bought a package of Dorito's a Pepsi and some gum. Gum is NOT a suitable dessert after eating Dorito's. There's something in those chips that breaks gum down and before I've chewed for five minutes my gum has disintegrated into a loose soupy cinnamon bleagh.

Good god there's a lot women at this airport with giant kagonadonas. And I'm not talking about fruit. I'm sitting next to one in the plane in case it goes down in the ocean. I'm not flying over any water, not unless you consider Phoenix watery.

8:30 PM

About to take off.

I know I can account for at least one of the Cosby kids from Fat Albert. Mush mouth is our captain.

"Grieveings from the carpet labia's and genamen. This is your chaplain speaking. We'll be taking off shorty and are number two in line. So shit back and fashion your seatbulbs. Wecomablored and thanks for flying amer'can airlines."

Someone in the back of the plane has been beating on something for the last 10 minutes. Sounds like they're chipping ice. Are we getting snow cones?

Damn this plane is LOUD.

"I smell peanut butter."

The flight safety video comes on to tell us what to do if we find ourselves fucked.

I only hear bits and pieces of it anymore but I did catch the part about the air mask. They said when it falls down, tug the cord and breath normally....

"Is that the guy next to me that smells like peanut butter?"

.....If the plane does go down, the only people who are going to be breathing normally are people who have asthma attacks.

Why is it always impossible to aim that little air turret just right so you get the air on your face?

"Why does this guy smell like peanut butter? What's his deal?"

Yes, I had a great time. I'll be seeing her again very very soon. Obviously theres more to this story than just a plane ride. I'll get to that. tonight.

This diary is lame. - Wednesday, Feb. 25, 2009
woah - Thursday, Feb. 05, 2009
operation kindness - Thursday, Apr. 20, 2006
more belligerent bees on dogs - Monday, Feb. 20, 2006
teste-moanial - Thursday, Feb. 16, 2006




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