Because I just felt like some Eddie today ... and the death star
On the Death star there must have been a cafeteria where Darth Vader could just chill and go down between battles....

Darth Vader: " I will have the pene ala arribiatta."

Server: "You'll need a tray."

D: "Do you know who I am?"

S: "Do you know who " I " am?"

D: " This is not a game of who the fuck are you. For I AM Vader...Darth Vader. Lord Vader. I can kill you with a single thought."

S: " Well you'll still need a tray."

D: " No I will NOT need a tray, I do not need a tray to kill you. I can kill you without " A " tray with the power of the force which is strong within me, even though I could kill you with a tray if I so wished.....for I would hack at your neck with the ...thin bit until the blood flowed across the canteen flo..."

S: " No the food is hot, you'll need a tray to put the food on."

D: " Oh I see, the food is hot.. I'm sorry, I did not realize. I thought you were challenging me to a fight to the death."

S: " Fight to the death? This is a canteen, I work here."

D: " Yes but I am Vader, I am Lord Vader? Everyone challenges me to a fight to the death. Lord Vad..Darth Vader? I'm Darth vader? Sir Lord Vader? Sir Lord Darth Vader? Lord Vader of chime? Sir Lord Baron Von Vaderhamm?

The Death Star? I run the death star??

S: "Whats the Death Star?

D: " THIS is the death star. You"re IN the death star. I run this star.

S: " This is a star??"

D: " This is a fucking star, I run it. I'm your boss."

S: " You're mister Stevens?"

D: "No I'm .. who is mister Stevens?"

S: " He's head of catering."

D: " I'm not head of catering. I am Vader, I can kill catering with a thought."

S: " what?"

D: "I can kill you all... I can kill me with a thought......Just.. Fu...I'll get a tray fuck it.

This ones wet. And this ones wet. And this ones wet. This ones wet. This ones wet.This ones wet.This ones wet.This ones wet.This ones wet.This ones wet.This ones wet.This ones wet.This ones wet.This ones wet.This ones wet.

This ones wet. Did you dry these in a rain forest? Why with the power of the death star do we not have a tray that is fucking dry? {walking back to line} No no I was here first.

Some sodier: "You have to form a line if you want food. { turning to server} Can I have .... oooooo pene ala Arribiatta please?"

Darth: " No no no D- do you know who I am?"

server: "That's Jeff vader that is."

D: " I am not Jeff Vader! I'm Darth Vader!"

AS: " What? Jeff Vader runs the death star?"

D: "No.... Jeff.... no I run the Death star."

AS: "Are you Jeff Vader?"

D: "No I'm DARTH VADER."

AS: " Are you his brother? Can you get his autograph?"

D: " No I can't get his....No I'm J...alright I'm Jeff Vader."

AS: " Can I have your autograph?"

D: " No fuck off. Or I'll kill you with a tray. Give me pene ala arribiatta or you shall die, and you, and you, and everyone in this canteen. Death by tray it shall be."

Server: " OOOOOoo ..... D'you want peas with that?"

Darth: " PEAS!? You don't have peas! You can't put em red, it doesn't work with pene.. You don't put... unless you push em up the pene tubes....and then they'd be weird. Just. Oh. Alright put some peas on then.

-Eddie Izzard- (from CIRCLE)

This diary is lame. - Wednesday, Feb. 25, 2009
woah - Thursday, Feb. 05, 2009
operation kindness - Thursday, Apr. 20, 2006
more belligerent bees on dogs - Monday, Feb. 20, 2006
teste-moanial - Thursday, Feb. 16, 2006




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