Am I supposed to hyphenate ass ton? ASS-TON? Is that right?
I should write something funny in here today. Hmmm, well, my brain has an ass-ton of nothing funny to talk about right now.

Me and my CSR at work today.

C: Where are you at on this job today?

Me: I'm not anywhere on that job right now. It's not done.

C: Well why not?

Me: Because I have no idea what you're talking about.

C: You mean you haven't started it yet? It was due Wednesday!

Me: I haven't started it yet BECAAAAAUSE you never gave it to me.

C: ....Oh....

Me and some random driver on the freeway this morning

Her: [Hmmmmm, I think I'm going to whoop across four lanes to make that exit ramp about fourteen centimeters away riiiiiiiiight.......now.]

Me: "WHAT ARE YOU..? THE HE.........? YOU DIDN'T JUST....? DO YOU THINK YOU'RE .....? ........................YOU SACK OF ..... FUCK!!!! "

.............................

Did I just call her a sack of fuck? What in the world does that mean? Can fuck be a noun? How much fuck can you fill up a sack with?

" Watch ya bring me today Clem?"

" I brung yuh a big sack of fuck."

" Well I'll be. The wife been cooking again?"

" Nope, we just been savin' up... thought I'd brang em in fer 'cyclein taday. "

" Well thank ye. I been needin a fuck."

Which reminds me of a joke.

This guys just hating living in the city. Cabbies being assholes, and paying rent on a little shithole in Manhattan blows... just the whole thing sucks. So one day he decides to move on out to the country and get away from the whole damn thing.

So he buys a house out in the middle of wherethefuckahwee and starts to enjoy the solitude.

One day he's out on the front porch drinking a martini or something and he sees a cloud of dust being kicked up from something coming down the road towards him. There aren't neighbors anywhere near him. In fact his nearest neighbor is about 6 miles on either side of him, so he figures this must be one of them coming.

Sure enough a beat up blue pickup pulls up and a guy gets out.

"Howdy, m'names Billy Phil. I'm your neighbor, thought I'd come on over and introduce m'sef to ya and invite you on over for a party I'm havin' tanight, So we can get to know each other"

"Well thats pretty nice of you ..Billy Phil." says the man. "What should I wear?"

"Oh, it don't matter, says Bill. "It's just gonna be you and me."


I was going to see "Open Water" tonight..... until the DJ on the radio gave away the ending.

God damnit.

Well now I'm so pissed off I'm gonna give away the ending to ALL OF YOU! HA!

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They get eaten alive by ... David Gest.

See?

Ass-ton of nothing today.

Friday, Aug. 20, 2004 8:58 P.M.



On the I-tunes: " Shunt " .....RECOIL

| 3 old comments

old gripes|griping now|new gripes

This diary is lame. - Wednesday, Feb. 25, 2009
woah - Thursday, Feb. 05, 2009
operation kindness - Thursday, Apr. 20, 2006
more belligerent bees on dogs - Monday, Feb. 20, 2006
teste-moanial - Thursday, Feb. 16, 2006




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