I've been a bit occupied.
I got married.
I married a Bolivian art student who is a dog catcher in her spare time, and a badger catcher the rest of the time. She's also heir to the throne of Chadguay. For those of you who don't already know, Chadguay is one third of the "AXIS OF EVIL OF COUNTRIES THAT END IN -GUAY". ( Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay, although Chadguay is having a hard time getting people to go along with that name.) We had a whirlwind romance, got married, and honeymooned in South Dakota.
But we decided it just wasn't going to work about 28 minutes into the whole thing and had it annulled.
Yea, it kind of sucked.
But, I got to keep all the wedding gifts. I have no idea what I'm going to do with an electric dog polisher. I don't have a dog.
I started a list of resolutions before the holiday but didn't get to finish it. I was sitting around trying to find something to do until five when the boss said I could go early,
So I bailed. It was a couple of days ago, so the present tense that I wrote it in made more sense THEN. I decided not to reflect on the past year as most people did, because mostly......... it blew......... with fair to intermittent showers of suck, and the occasional pretty happy good day.
Neh, it wasn't that bad of a year really. I didn't get blown out to sea, so really I have NOTHING worthy to complain about. I'm alive, that should be good enough for anyone.
12 / 30 / 2004
Whoops, two more days to figure out what you're going to give up or start doing more of for the new year folks. It's time for the new year resolutions!
Now I know most of you will probably chunk out the "I'm going to quit smoking/lose weight" resolution thing. But did you know that actually those aren't the most popular resolutions made?
These are the twenty most popular resolutions, and I swear I am NOT making these up because, who in their right minds would make up something like this? Who?
20. Lose weight
19. Quit smoking
18. buy a house
17. Milk a cow ....... with your own mouth
( nope I didn't make these up. huh uh.)
16. Learn swahili
15. Bake a cake in the shape of Ed McMahon ( Life size )
14. Start my own fascist state ( by June or July )
13. Milk Ed McMahon
12. Macrame my own underwear from now on
11. Steal ALL the pants in the world, start a monopoly
10. Sell my car, buy a llama, drive that to work
9. (TIE) Grow a beard / shave pubes in the shape of Idaho
8. MORE FIBER IN MY DIET! WICKER TACOS!
7. Start a religion based on Mountain Dew ™
6. Learn to smoke.
5. Invent something cool, like an Ostturducken.
4. Start a band called "Officer Mahoney"
3. Give up Chick-peas
2. Buy a monkey, teach him to do my job.
1. Promote new holiday treat, "HOT DOG NOG" more aggressively
Well I've started this Blogging season off odd.
Go eat some hotdognog.
Or drink it.
Who the hell knows......
Happy New Year.
P.S. HEY! HERES SOMETHING FUCKED UP TO LOOK AT! POODLE WOMAN!