....He was out lookin for some fun one night. He started his night at Ethyl Mae's house early in the evening wanting to go out. But Ethyl apparently had other plans.
"Naw I don't wanna go out tonight, I've spent the whole day down at the junkyard behind the wheel of that crane schlepin' chunks of iron around and I don't wannna do nothin but sit on mah ass and watch amercahs fun'yest home vidyos" she muttered.
"Well if that don't beat all to hell" he thought. What did she have to complain about? She was sittin' her fat ass down in that crane all day while she was movin' all that crap around wasn't she? It wasn't like she had to stand all day like he did. He never complained when he had a hard day at the Tater tot factory. Some days he would come home and think to himself that if he saw one more tot it would be a billion years too soon. In the beginning it was all he dreamed about, working for the local tater tot mines down in Kentucky. However, raising the money for night school at Or-ida university became an issue. He had to settle for the factory instead. What the hell, he'd still be around his favorite food! But that didn't last long, and into his 2nd year he had developed a great loathing of his once coveted side dish. At this point eating squirrel turds sounded better than tater tots!
His bosses wouldn't even give his ideas about expanding the business into different flavors a chance. What was wrong with nacho cheese tater tots?
He never once complained to her about it.
"Well screw you! I'm goin'' without ya!"
" Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!" she barked.
Slamming the door to end the conversation was what he wanted to do but instead he slammed it on his ass.... again. He had to listen to her obnoxious laugh all the way to his car. As he slid gingerly behind the wheel he could hear the opening theme to that damned video show.
"Up yours bitch" he murmured, "Im gonna pick me up another woman tonight, then you'll be sorry."
The shuttle commander brought the spacecraft to a shuddering halt on the moon while the other astronauts stood over the now unconscious moose. One of them holding a box of frozen tater-tots with a large dent in one corner.
" Well, I guess these things are good for something after all."
"Houston, this is Columbia. We're having technical problems and have touched down on the moon. We'll give you a further update when we have assessed the situation to make sure everything is in order."
*beep*........"oooooooooookay Columbia ........ Houston out" *beep*.......
Unbuckling from his seat the commander contemplated what to do with a 900 pound astromoose with hay-fever.
Cruising down the main drag Hubert spotted a likely hooker to ask into his car. He stopped in front of her and rolled down the window and asked how much.
"Thirty bucks sweetie." she said with a deep throaty voice.
He reached across the passenger seat and pulled on the door release to let her in. When she got in, her cheap perfume almost knocked him out of his car door. Tomorrow his car was going to smell like some kind of bizarre tater tot flower bouquet but he really didn't care at this point. Five minutes and thirty-Two seconds later they were parked behind the Pick and Save. As he feverishly rubbed his hand between the girls legs he started wondering to himself:
Why was he doing this to Ethyl Mae?
What is he doing working at a job he hates?
Why does this woman have a penis?
Recoiling in horror he put his back against the driver side door and with both feet kicked the transvestite out of the other side of the car.
"You owe me Five dollars for the feel you hayseed!" said the tranny.
Hubert tossed the purse at her/him and floored it.
Thats when he saw the transvestite making some kind of hand jibe and spitting on the ground by his car. As Hubert sped off he wondered what all that hand waving and spitting was for.....