Some things below are rather crude, If you think you shouldnt be reading this, do it anyway.
I swear on a stack of babies I did NOT make these up.
What men want, and women crave! zvort
( WOW! Where can I get me some of that zvort?)
The New P�nis Enlargement Patch . vaacc sc
(If you put on a patch to quit smoking , do you put on a penis enlargement patch to quit penis enlarging.)
Spy secretly elfgzmfexff oogbuvgicmm bvrzmjzc...
(Right on. Spying loudly, obnoxiously and announcing in a bellowing voice " I'm spying on you! " didnt seem to be working)
Hey dont tell me you forgot this is your reminder. wbddcc alfl
(I forgot to remember my reminder because you didnt not not remind me to remember. )
women who are married but dont care
(Yea damn marriage!)
white women who crave dark meat
(they must mean from a chicken)
these beautiful but married women are hungry
(give them some dark meat...I bet they don't care either)
he just splattered all over her face
(luckily her face broke his fall.)
she likes them big and round
(what, a wheel of cheese? A hot air balloon?)
Destroy her meat tunnel with your ramrod manhood!
(heard it before)
have her begging for your girthful flagpole."
(heard that too)
Pound Her Crank Case hzqtsaegi
(.....neeeeeeever heard THAT. )
these moms just want to get out more
(the shut-in's need it too)
these girls dont need to rehearse, it just comes naturally
(It's good to have a skill)
these girls crave the biggest one they can find
(How about a grain silo? They should try some of the dark meat while they're at it.)
this is the place that it all happens
(How about sex in a clothes dryer set on permenant press with james brown singing the star spangled banner?)
this cream filling ain't so sweet, hey you
( who me?this is from one of those Hostess ads in the back of an Incredible Hulk comic book)
W'illiams .mu'st h_ave Need h;eavy dut_y pai"n kil:lers ....
(written by the Incredible Hulk I guess)
david sm_ash pussy t;00 smithereens........
( no sorry this one was...)
c0me 2 hour hoasis_ y00 wont be disapointed
(As I traveled in the desert on a horse with no name I wished hard that I might come across a hoasis that wouldnt be disapointing)
RE: Meet Simone from whoremart
(whoremart , right next to the hoasis and Baskin Robbins)
Whipped cream, a duck, 3 chickens & $99
( Things you can use as payment at whoremart.)
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Sometimes they add a name in the subject to try to trick you into thinking its not junk and that you asked for the information......but they don't always try that hard to put YOUR actual name in there. Somtimes they dont even try at all.
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oaxobte, Gain Up To 3+ Full Inches In Length
(I got some aztec warriors viagra add by mistake)
/Mohammed =Friend i/s l,ooking f;or ;a (speci...
( something must have happened to my friend Mohammed in the middle of sending this one........ attacked by a rabid camel.)
Meghan uttermost moving undomesticated procre...
(I wish I had a nickle for every time I heard that phrase)
Look I found your.....
(my dots! there they are)
This is nipple twisting ,
(This one was advertiseing for something called ..........."Tit-fighting." ON GAURD!)
seek of spam?
("Hey! Hey Meester! You is seek of the spam, yes? Hey! Hey! Wait Meester! How 'bout my seester, meester? She is seek of the spam too, yes?"
dihedral max cogent undomesticated carnal embe...
(This guy must be studying for the SAT's)
What really make woman happy? 2
(Written by Tonto, Tarzan and Frankenstein...the sequel by the way)
want to enlarge your small, unsatisfying balls? "
(Yeah, hon, I'd like to do the dishes, but my balls are just too small. And unsatisfying.")
i love2 Penetrate my friend'z M0THER..
(this one from the artist formerly known as prince)
adv:adlt-Dive into a yummy teen pie!
(is it made with real teens?)
It don't take a genius to biggie your penis!
(hey that rhymed!)
IT TASTES LIKE PENNIES
(it does?)
W-e gu_arantee yo_u ca_n mak-e it~ ha_rd
(From the late Kathrine Hepburn.)
Vi�gr� 60% OFF!Cant Beat It!
(60% off? what about 60% more??!! can't beat it??! What's the point of the pill if you cant at least beat it?)
Girls Who Swallow Buckets Of ovqhuflct
(one from the Jim Rose circus, A whole bucket? )
How Did She Get That Fist All The Way Up There?
(with a bazooka.)
Break her walls with your massive knob
(You need to get one of those door spring bumper thingies I think)
Gr�w A L�nger P�n�s ! SOCRATES
(SOCRATES? how old are these things?)
GILBERTO , Ne�d mor� �nches? Socrates answer...
(I guess philosophy isn't paying too well)
Made A Poop-Oop-A-Loop Shoop
(wasn't that a cher song?)
May your genitalia never fail ya!
(an old Irish toast)
Stop getting advertised to!
(....after this one last time of course.)
STOP GETTING SPAM MAIL!!
(SORRY! I'll stop right now. )
attract men with bigger breasts
(Yep, women want men with bigger breasts )
join the future tommorow, rxs online
(while its still in the future? but before its the yesterday)
Smudge It All Over My Face hjlaipcty
(Smudge what? A mud pie? Elmers glue? Creamed corn?)
Titties Getting Creamed yapwsdcbi
(alright, creamed titties!! better than creamed corn!)
More sex than you can shake a booty at!
(must be a lot of sex if you cant even shake a booty at all of it!)
Ahoy there! Paaaa t !
(Avast yeh scurvey corndogs! Ay've goh'a nice bit a porn righ'ere!)
Increase semen and shoot further, up to 3 times more semen. htmj
(Why the heck would someone want to achieve those results??? Trying to paint a room?
Hungus Malungus Falungus
(.....Mr.Snufaluphagus esophagus)
simile thermionic punch
(Ingredients: Six scoops of lime sherbet, I litre of Sprite�, a dash of palonium and one bottle of delicious concentrated simile thermionic )
pimping pumping potions?
(bipitty bopitty boo.)
Increase your ejaculation by 581%!!!.
(Women everywhere are thrilled by the possibilities of that product. )
INCREASE YOUR EJACULATION BY 581% AND MAKE IT TASTE LIKE CHOCOLATE!!!"
(even better)
He Did Her WHERE?! aesmnzylw
(In the conservatory with a revolver )
Are you snoring yourself to death?
(you can do that?)
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SOMEHOW THESE NEXT THREE CAME THE SAME DAY AND WENT WELL TOGETHER I THINK.
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Shove Every Inch Deep Inside My Throat jhwfpu..
(Alrighty)
He's Deep Inside My Mouth iuxtkdbza
(shouldnt that be "hus eep ithub by bouf?")
Hey it was so much fun you should tried it. q...
(I'll pass thanks )
Don't feed the sluts!
(WHERES THAT ZOO AT?)
She Blew EVERYONE THERE! vnurfxcpz
(They were all in sailboats. )
Super Insane Teen Sluts arptjswui
(Insane teen sluts was'nt enough, Sounds like a video game with Italian plumbers and giant monkeys)
for christmas give her a huge one guys yjvwnl...
(her: "Oh baby just what I was hoping for! a huge one!)
I knoww yyouu wwona gget onee!
(this one came from a sender named Hassan Yokum ..Dwights' brother and a member of Ali babba and the stuttering thieves)
`weezerchick99` Stop Harassing Creditors!
(WHAT IF THEY HARRASED ME FIRST?)
Factor your yachting hedgehogs! Friday apple!
(ok.)
guys show your thanks with a larger one wdtib
(For Thanksgiving i presume. the next time someone gives you a gift you can just whip out your larger one to show how thankful you are)
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Heres another one for the holiday season. It will also show up in greeting cards at Hallmark soon..........
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merry xmas, happy holidays it grew 3 inches htqxqb
( And Lo saith the lord, that thine member shalt grow to not one , not two but up to three inches (results may vary) of thine normal size, yeah verily until him may even become as to a cubit in size. And thou shalt giveith thanks to htqxqb for a larger one. Acteth nowith. Some restrictions may applyith. Amen )
Hypnotize your penis into 12 morgage vacations for only $18.95 guaranteed
(wwwwwwwwwWHAT?)
stop smocking in 10 days
(I've been trying to quit. I tried blokeing and lokeing the door. Then I tried going to the boat doke, but I still smock. They make me chock. I'm going to buy some patches before they're out of stoke.)
BUY THE HOTTEST VIBRATOR FOR YOUR GIRL
(It's called a curling iron, yea, girls want that.)
ItsY0urs and it kix Ass
(I have an ass kixing machine?)
Penis Patch: Get Big
(What will you do if you're out jogging and you get a flat and you dont have your penis patch on you? Get big!! Get penis patch!!! )
ClickHere AndYouWillBeShocked
(well ok, so I just click right heUUUUURRRRRRKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!)
""Okay. So what happened" population of Native Americans is the extermination of Jews, Romanies (gypsies),"
(I ............... dont ........... What?)
[email protected]... PenetrateDeeper
(home of the unbelievable email addresses)
Grow A B�gger P�nis In No Time!.
(Just like instant malt o' meal...just add water)
OkeYour kids need to eat bayu
(Sorry, I've been meaning to do something about that)
You will not be tested, or interviewed Reecive a Masaster's, or Bachleor's
(I'm gonna get my batchleors dgeree, right after I try out for the San Fraansisco 94 er's)
You will not be tested, or interviewed Recevie a Maassetr's, or Doctorate
( oh a doctarate as well as a Maassere's at this place)
OK this is getting a little long so I'm going to give you the number one favorite most original Junk email I've received ....... so far ........ as judged by me .........
Tear Her Pussy Pot Pie Apart kyisxpq
(????????????PUSSY POT PIE?????????????? Does Swansons even make those? Is it included in the HUNGRY MAN line?)