Ten years ago my best friend in the whole wide world and I had a discussion. Actually we were smoking something his then girlfriend; now his wife, had left in a box at the apartment and watching a reeeeeeelly crappy movie on TV. We were totally engrossed in this horrid movie and telling each other that it was like citizen cain or something. Or is that citizen cane? Sugar cane? [[WRITERS NOTE/CORRECTION: WHY HASN'T ANYONE WRITTEN IN TO TELL ME THAT IT'S CITIZEN KANE YET? HUH? YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS. I SHOULD KNOW THIS. NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLOG.]] Any how when this amazing, AMAZING movie was over we became totally hyp-MO-tyzed by the credits. We made up a game where I would start to read a name in the line of credits and he had to immediately say the name too. There were no prizes or anything to gain. It was just one of those stupid pot things that spontaneously happens. To better explain it went something like this:

ME: JJJJJJhoooooooooonnnn Thompson!

Him: KKJohn Thompson!

Me: GGGGGGGary Blevins

Him: LLLLGggary Blevins

It was just a monstrously stupid game that was only hilarious to the two of us or whomever else might have also been in a similar haze. It was funny enough to need oxygen tanks we were laughing so hard. You know.

Anyway later that night we were talking about the future and how it would be when we had kids of our own. We came down to the part about naming them. I think you grow into your name, I think your name has a part in who you are and how other people see you. We each wanted to name them something that would make them unique and remembered long after they were gone. Something prestigious and profound. Names that would say I AM powerful and you better respect me! I deserve this job and all the great bounties that come with it! A name that if he was a boy would make women flock to him like...big, flocking things!

I picked Fa Fa Fa Fa Fa Fa Fa Fa Fa Fa Fa Ma.

He picked a sound, the one that you make when you click your tongue.

Maybe the reason wasn't so the kid could grow up under a powerful name as much as it was to picture the poor teachers trying to pronounce their names the first day of class.

Mary Patterson?....Here!

John Billingston? ...... here.

Chip Warner?....present.

*pause* .....................Fa............Fa Fa ...........Fa Fa Fa .....Ma????????? HEEEEERE!

...................Click?...............

I guess click would need to have a pictogram or hieroglyph to show how to pronounce his name, OR HER name, it could conceivably be a unisex name I guess. So could Fa Fa Fa Fa Fa Fa Fa Fa Fa Ma.

Well My best bud had a kid about 5 years ago. He didn't name him 'click' as we had planned. I guess Jacob seemed a better name for him. His wife probably had a say in the matter.

I'm still looking for the woman who will let me name my kid the second name I picked out.

Picture me putting my finger in my mouth and popping my cheek with it.