I'm a sucker for Henny Youngman one liners.

------------------------------------------------------------------------ [update I forgot] First off let me get this off my chest. The word is realtor. NOT REALITOR. There is no magical INVISIBLE I in that word. So stop saying Reel-i-tor. Got it? Dont make me smack you with a two by four. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first person I see when I get to work in the mornings is Salvador the janitor.

Salvador: Greg 'Orlo! (Thats not my last name but thats what it sounds like when he tries to say it. He Just can't pronounce it.)

Me: G'morning Salvador. How'ya doing?

"Fine mister greggy. I gotty you tako here. You sit down, eaty now while Is still warm. See?"

He sticks my hand on the foil wrapped taco every time to make sure I know mama made it fresh...or "frech" as he says.

Throughout the morning, whenever I see him.....every time I see him he says," Greg orlo, BEEG mohney!" I don't know where he picked that phrase up from. (I wonder why he doesn't say "NO WHAMMY'S!) Then he says "Greggy, you givey me one loan, writey check." Then he asks me, "Greg, you see me novia this morning?" I ask which one. "OH you know Elana. Elana is me novia."

" I thought Kim was your novia."

"Oh no Mr Greg. Kim is me weekend novia, Elana, is everdays other novia. You savy was novia?"

"Yes, novia means girlfriend."

"Oh hoooo, yes mr greggy you learning. You see John today? John no bueno." [Shakes his head and throws his hat on the ground overdramatically]

I'm not sure if novia is the correct spelling of the word. He's teaching me some spanish. I know some nouns and most of the expletives, but just the same, I try not to use it too much to people from Mexico. The difference in learning spanish from different people is that there is so much slang out there you never quite know if your saying it right. I'm afraid of saying something wrong and accidentally calling into question the disposition of some guys sisters hoo-ha. I could get so many black eyes they'd have to wait in line so they can appear.

He walks away saying " Greg Orlo, Beeeek mohney." Some times he sings it to some Tejano tune in his head. " Greg Orlooooo. Beeeeeeg ....Mooooohney! John no bueeeeno, taco bueeeeeeno!" He's cracked.

It may seem that I'm making fun of his speech, I tease a little but really have a lot of respect for the old guy. He's got a bigger truck than I do. His house; small as it is, is paid for and is kept nice and neat inside and out. He takes care of his family and his kids go to Junior college. He may speak english kind of choppy, but at least he's Bi-lingual. I have trouble with my mother tongue. He makes due however he can by saving all the coke cans at work and mama cooks taco to sell to us for breakfast. and he WILL NOT part with that dollar you owe him for that taco. One day I wasn't hungry because I ate before I got to work.

"Greggy I putie you taco on your des'."

"No thanks Salvador I already ate this morning."

"I sorry mister greg I already put it on you desk." If it leaves his hands, tough shit. You owe him a dollar. Sheesh.

But still he's kind of like a parrot as he repeats the same phrases over and over. Greg Orlo! Beeeeeek Mohney! John NO BUENO!

He doesn't seem to like John much.

Speaking of birds ..... I hit a bird with my car today! Does any one else ever hit birds? It was huge! I swear it was a pelican. How in the hell does one hit a seabird with a car? Well....maybe it wasn't quite THAT big, more like maybe a seagull or something. But damn, how many birds have you hit?

It's been raining cats and snakes all goddamn day. Why can't it rain some other time of the year like this? Like, In the summer time, when we could actually use it.

I'm gonna have to use all my "BEEEEK Mohney" to build a goddam ark. I'll also need a girl to re-populate the planet. Any takers?