It was April......cue wobbly images and flashback music..............

uuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrkkkkkkkkk!

or was it May?

Shit ........ anyway!

I was the last person at work that day. I used to have a great shift to work, the weekend shift. ONLY THREE DAYS! We would go to work on Friday and work 12 hour days Friday through Sunday. That ended up being only 36 hours but they paid the other 4 hours to us for free. And we had Monday through Thursday off. It was great.

Anyway Bill has the only other guy there with me and he just left. He called about 20 minutes after to tell me that where he was, the sky was almost pitch black and looking rather mean. It was heading my way. So I better shut down all the computers in case there was a power outage. Didn't want them to get all fuckoid because of the lightning. By then it was raining pretty hard so I decided to wait out the rain and then go home. I was in the conference room watching TV when I heard what sounded like someone on the roof with a sledgehammer. It was that loud! What the hell is that?

I ran to the backdoor where I had parked my car and peered out the window.

There was a hole the size of my head in the back window of my car. There were hailstones all over the place, and when I say stones they truly lived up to the name. They were as big as softballs. Then we lost power. Pitch black in a print shop with no power, no windows except the one in the door to allow me to watch my damn car reduced to atoms before my eyes, AND I was down to my last 2 smokes.

I ask you, can it get any more "YOU POOR DAMN BASTARD" than that?

Ohhohohohoho yes it can. It most certainly can in Gregsville. The carpet bombing hailstorm only lasted a short few minutes, but the toad floating deluge lasted quite a while longer. I could only watch as my back window got wider and wider and filled up with rain. Of course at this point it's like "what the fuck does it matter now?" The car is already totaled. Yea, I still had to drive home in this watery hell with no windows.

Now that I think about it, this was May. Mayfest was going on in the park at that time. A lot of people got seriously fucked up with that hail. They had no where to run to.

But.

Sometimes there is a bright light to my life. Usually its just a little teeny tiny pinprick of light. Most of the time whenever I use the phrase " I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel" the light turns out to be a train coming the other way.

But you see there is a actually a bright blinding white light to this story.

Three days before, I was on my way to get my tags renewed. Really I was on my way to get my tags AND registration renewed........Ok I was on my way to get INSURANCE SO I COULD GET MY TAGS AND MY REGISTRATION RENEWED.

I got my car insured just in time to get beat to a pulp. Is that so not like being a poor damn bastard?

Oh wait there's more. As I was on my way to get the insurance and tags and stuff, I pass a policeman going to other way. He actually did a U-turn and pulled me over because he saw my tags were out. I showed him my insurance letter and told him that was where I was going at that very second. REALY! I still got three tickets. A no insurance ticket is three hundred dollars, or was at that time.

So, do I live up to my astrological sign or not? Was I lucky, or did I break even?

I guess I'm lucky. The following night it rained a really bad again while I was at home. Crap! I still have no back window, so I run downstairs to make sure the plastic is secured nice and tight. Running back upstairs, my leg slips on the slick stairs and shoots between the steps. I almost broke my leg in a very very horrible way.

Yeah, I think I used up all my luck for that month in one day.