GERG backstory
It was a dark and stoooormy .....day.

No, wait......

The night was......moist......no

the night was sultry......

nnnnno...

It's a bright spring day. I'm five years old. Time for mothers day. The mission on the agenda today is to make a mothers day present for the mom. We're going to make mom a plate! YAY!

" Now children, I want you to draw your mom a picture for mothers day. ok? Now what I want you to do is......"

hmmm draw mom a picture. I can do that. What should I draw? How about a dog?

Nah...I don't think she cares too much for dogs.. how 'bout... how 'bout a cowboy? nope I don't feel like drawing a cowboy... Oh! An airplane... with lasers! And it's attacking a shark ........ that has lasers too! .......feh.. She won't dig that ....... jeeze, Is that woman still talking? I can't concentrate.

" ......erybody understand that? DO NOT WRITE YOUR NAME ON THE PAPER .... Ok?....Now I'm going to pass out som...."

FLYING BURRITOS! Yea! no...man, I don't have a clue what I'm going to draw. What's that girl drawing? A house. She's drawing a house? Of course! Why didn't I think of that? Yea I could draw our house. Brilliant! Ok lets get to work........

Apparently, not listening in class extended all the way back to kindergarten. The plates we were going to make were to start out as heat transfer drawings or some such thing. I'm not sure how it worked, but I know that what was going to be drawn would be transfered to the plate 'backwards.' Hence the 'DO NOT WRITE ON YOUR DRAWING' part of the instructions.

But was I listening to Mrs. Crabapple?

Nope.

Didn't hear a goddamn thing she said right after "We're going to draw a ....."

"YAY ! I get to jrawl a picher taday!"

This is how it turned out

What kind of alternate universe did I live in back then that we had a giant hairy lemon for a sun? And I have no recollection of ever living in the partridge family house..church...whatever. That must also be my Red room on the non existent second floor we didn't have. We didn't have much grass either, just that beach towel size smudge there, and I was only slightly bigger than the hugeantic beach ball beside me. We were very very poor. Before I was seven, I had to make due with little wheels for hands until my parents could save up enough money to buy my real hands. They never did get me any feet though.

And eyebrows, boy did I have eyebrows. For some reason I had the forethought as a Five year old to draw some big ass eyebrows on my head but completely forgot to give myself any hair.

Or a nose.

I guess they were blown out to sea by the tornado thats knocking the shit out of that tree.

Oh, and of course I signed the picture. In 1972. Which doesn't make much sense, because that would have made me three years old when I drew it. I don't know HOW I got the numbers the right direction but out of order.

I wonder if our house burned down from our petroleum burning chimney....

So that's the story, not as exciting as you probably imagined it might be. Ever since that day my entire family has called me Gerg.

Wednesday, May. 12, 2004 9:48 P.M.



on the Itunes: "88 lines about 44 women"...THE NAILS

| 9 old comments

old gripes|griping now|new gripes

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