names again
I woke up this morning to the sight of a giant cat nostril One centimeter from my bare eyeball. You've never seen a cat nostril till you've seen one that close.

Me: Did I forget to feed you last night?

Cat: [pulling on boxing gloves]

Me: I guess so. Let me get that fixed up for you. Oops....it looks I'm all out of cat food.

Cat: [slowly shaking head back and forth.....deciding to go bare knuckle instead]

Me: Wait .....lets see what we have in the kitchen. Oookay. It's either a tomato or Doritos. What's it gonna be? .............. hu uh, I don't have any spaghetti.

Changing topics now. It seems that Gwyneth Paltow has given birth and finally pushed the envelope of absurd names for a child. She passed up the pretentious names Hope and Charity. The nouns wind, sky and cloud, and made a whole new category all its own, as far as I know.

She has broken the produce barrier and named her little tiny baby girl Apple.

Thank you Gweneth, now we can go forth into new uncharted territory and name our kids anything we want.

I had already written about kids names here and here , but I think I've changed my mind and decided to follow Gweneths' lead.

So, Any women readers out there that are interested in bringing a little girl into this world with me in the future, and can look past the fact that actually making that offer is horribly horribly pathetic... and creepy..... please sign the guest book. I thought about the names "Passion fruit" or "Cumquat", but those just seemed to set the child up for ridicule later in her high school years. "Watermelon" could equally be as harsh to live with weather she is blessed with a large or small chest. Either way the jokes will be cruel. Especially if we name her "Pear". And using a vegetable for a name would just be ..... silly.

No, we'll just name the kid banana. After my Grandpa. Hey it can be unisex if we set a precedent right? And of course It doesn't have to be pronounced the traditional way like buh-nan-uh with a long second a, buh-naaaa-na. We could get creative and say Buh- nana with a short emphasis on all the a's. I don't know, we can work that out later.

And it'll make her really popular with that name game song.

I better start saving up the therapy money now.

Shit, I just thought that there will probably be monkey jokes for little buh-nana.

Lets just stick with Julie.

Julie-tatertot-"lastname"

I'll answer your questions from the last entry soon Schmeder. I promise.

Saturday, May. 15, 2004 8:11 P.M.



on the itunes: "The big hand"....The Cure

| 8 old comments

old gripes|griping now|new gripes

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