HUBERT PART 1 (again)
I started this stream of conscious story with a friend of mine about a year ago. I think I'll repost it and pick up at the end of the three entries that we actually made it through before we realized how ridiculous it was getting.

This is a stupid american novel called Hubert

One day a man jumped out of his car while driving down a curvy country road. It was just his luck that he landed right on a squirrel turd! As he stood up he shouted,
"Oh Geez, I hope this aint squirrel shit because im violently alergic to squirrel shit"
Immediately he started feeling the first faint tingles of an itch begin to creep up his back.
" Great, it WAS from a squirrel. Now I'm gonna have rub myself against a Moose ass or it'll get worse. Damn gypsy and his curse."
At the time he didn't give much thought to being cursed with being alergic to squirrel shit. When was he ever going to be in contact with squirrel shit? A serious misjudgment on his part that would be the first of many.
Since the initial curseing he had stepped on, touched, slept in, fell in, eaten, and rolled in Squirrel poop about 76 times in 77 days.

Why me????? "When I catch that gypsy theres gonna be four little hooves hanging between his legs because im gonna shove a moose so far up his ass he's gonna look like a coat rack!!!

The man began to search through his car for his portable moose detection device. It could find a moose 500 miles away. It was even equipped with a satellite navigation system to make sure you could get to the moose it was detecting.
"What the hell?" Hubert thought. The equipment indicated that the nearest moose was flying through the air at the moment. "Must be on the fritz."

The very moment Hubert was thinking this, a Moose hurtling along in the space shuttle had just reached a low orbit somewhere over Idaho when it suddenly sneezed inside it's space helmet. Blinded by moose snot it started to panic. The astronauts' worst case scenario became an actuality as the Moose went ape shit in the spacecraft and accidentally hit the automatic "Land On The Moon" button with his ass.

Meanwhile back on earth Hubert thought "Well, I guess I'm going to have to find another Moose somewhere."

He began to search for a closer one when the sensors picked up a reading not faraway. It turned out to be a restaraunt around the corner that specialized in Moose ass flambe.

"I hope it's fresh or else this aint gonna work at all, I'm kinda hungry anyway."

He started off, wondering why he jumped out of his car in the first place.

"Oh yeah, it was because I had a goddam stink-bug crawling up my pants, and I didn't want to smell like stink bugs for my big date with Ethyl Mae. The thought of her reminded him of how he had gotten that gypsy curse....

Monday, May. 23, 2005 5:31 P.M.

On the itunes: " Seville " .......... PINBACK

| 1 old comments

old gripes|griping now|new gripes

This diary is lame. - Wednesday, Feb. 25, 2009
woah - Thursday, Feb. 05, 2009
operation kindness - Thursday, Apr. 20, 2006
more belligerent bees on dogs - Monday, Feb. 20, 2006
teste-moanial - Thursday, Feb. 16, 2006

join and get notified:
Powered by