Let me say this.
Those weren't MY resolutions. Those were the top twenty from the entire world.
Like I said, I couldn't make that kind of stuff up. That would be the product of an unstable mind. That kind of thing.
It's funny the things all of you pick and choose to focus on when I write something. Milking Ed McMahon has got to be the only time in history anyone has ever uttered that phrase. I was FIRST!
Other phrases no one has ever said before ( INCLUDING ME JACKHOLES! Don't get cute. ):
" Flo, you don't put nearly as much corn on my waffles as when we first got married. "
" I wish someone would make me pay more tax. "
" BL0W J0B? Noooooo thank you. "
" Woo! You sure look sexy in them clown pants! "
" Beirut sounds like a lovely vacation spot. I wonder if they have water polo. "
" I love the way high heels deform my feet. My toes look much cuter now that they point to the left and right. "
But this one HAS been uttered, by me.
" Oops, I'm being sent home early cause there isn't anything to do. "
Cause there aint jack skwatt to do here today.